Hello Me, I’ve missed you.

Living a simple life is much more complicated than I originally anticipated, so here is to trying again.

I’ve realised that I can’t commit to waking up at 5am, 6am or even 7am every day. I can’t commit to exercising 3 or 4 times a week. I can’t commit to tracking my spending and keeping to a budget. And while I would like to, I also can’t commit to a long list of other things either – like eating healthy/vegetarian/keto meals, reading every day, living a minimalistic lifestyle, etc.

So I’m going to be real with myself – What can I (realistically) commit to?

I can and WILL commit to making more of an effort and try to do one thing a day that will improve my life in the long term in a holistic sense.

One thing I’ve noticed recently is that somewhere between by early 20’s and my early 30’s, my focus changed. In my 20’s I was focused on being the best me that I could be and somehow through the last decade that has morphed from something holistic to a checklist of habits that I wanted to tick off. What happened to being a better person? When did that translate to getting up early in the morning, drinking lemon water, doing yoga, journaling, being a minimalist, following a plant-based diet, meditating, buying bulk foods and doing HIIT workouts?

When did I change my focus from who I am as a person to what habits I have as a person?

I know that when I got out of my last looonng term relationship, I needed to focus on discovering who I was as a person and building my independence. This naturally meant a great deal of time, energy and effort focused inwardly trying to find out what it was that I wanted, who I was as an individual and exercising the freedom and power to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, without consideration for what someone else wanted.

At that time, that was what I needed. However, I feel somewhere down that path I began to focus a little too much on what I wanted for a little too long, and now I am beginning to see that my time of self discovery has turned into selfishness and self-centred-ness. At some point I stopped caring what other people thought, even those close to me. I felt it was my right to do as I pleased, when I pleased, in the way that I saw fit.

I’ve had a few insightful moments of self-reflection lately and I am not happy with what I see. I have been more than a little too proud in claiming the title of independent, intelligent, strong and free. Somehow I thought to be that, I had to let go of caring, consideration, empathy, understanding and forgiveness. Now I’m seeing that in order to be independent, intelligent, strong and free, I need to be caring, considerate, empathetic, understanding and forgiving.

I took a step back and now I see a bigger picture. Sometimes, you need to take a step back in order to see yourself.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s