This is the (LONG) story of how I got to this point.
There are moments in your life when you have a new realisation. Sometimes its a lightbulb suddenly switching on in your brain, other times it slowly creeps up on you. For me in this instance, its the latter.
I’ve been trying for a while to “get my life together”. In truth, I guess I’ve been trying since I graduated high school, but I didn’t really know then that that was what I was doing.
I’ve always felt the urge to improve myself in one way or another, but I never really had an end goal in mind and I didn’t really have a role model to emulate. So for the last decade or so I’ve just been blindly trying out new things and sometimes these things kind of took me off track a little (or a lot) in terms of the self-development goals I had…but I guess that’s just life.
In 2012 I got out of a long term relationship, one that I had been in since university. From that point until now, I’ve changed a lot as a person. I’ve tried a lot of things, discovered a lot of things and learned a lot of things which has been great. BUT as part of that change process and period of discovery, it has also felt like its just been one thing after another, non-stop for 6 years straight and now I am exhausted.
In those 6 years I did/discovered/tried/learned the following:
- Ended a 7 year relationship
- Managed to navigate a way to maintain a strong friendship with my 7yr ex
- Move out of home for the first time
- Lived in a share house for the first time
- Fell for an older man
- Got my heart broken by said older man
- Dated casually for the first time
- Went out by myself and made new friends for the first time since university
- Travelled overseas by myself to India, Nepal, Japan, Sri Lanka, Maldives
- Had a brief overseas travel romance for the first time
- Got a new job during that time
- Travelled for work for the first time (domestic and internationally)
- Started my own freelance business for the first time
- Stopped my own freelance business when I realised how much I hated admin
- Invested time to try new hobbies for the first time
- Hooked up with random people
- Learned a lot about dating, people, and open relationships
- Dated someone who had been to jail for the first time
- Lived on my own for the first time
- Rented an apartment on my own
- Moved house on my own
- Assembled a crapload of Ikea furniture on my own
- Cooked for myself
- Did all chores for myself
- Paid all the bills by myself
- Moved in and lived with a boyfriend for the first time
- Dated someone with children for the first time
- Got my own pet that was solely my responsibility for the first time
During all of that I also had stints of trying to:
- Eat healthier
- Exercise more
- Get fitter, lose weight
- Cook more
- Manage my finances
- Save more money
- Learn new skills
- Start new hobbies
- Make new friends
- Sleep better
- Have a cleaner home
- Be more organised
- Be more fashionable
- Become a better person, nicer, more patient
- Contribute more to the community, get involved, volunteer
Between all of that, it never felt like I had a moment to really focus on myself – not in a proper, full focus, dedicated kind of way. It was always a haphazard attempt here and there, focused on one area or another, in between everything else that was going on in my life.
I knew all the individual areas I wanted to improve on. It was like a checklist in my head, but it was never the big picture – never the whole picture. It was like I had all the pieces of the puzzle, but never in my hands at the same time and never put together.
To be honest, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I didn’t have a proper direction to head in or a road to follow. Even after I discovered minimalism, I’ve just realised that all I’ve been focused on is decluttering my stuff and making my apartment look more ‘minimalistic’. I’ve completely missed the point and the actual reason behind minimalism which is making space for the things you love and by things I mean the people and experiences.
And I’ve also realised now that even minimalism (done right) isn’t the whole picture, it’s only one facet of who I want to be. And that’s how I came to my slow epiphany over the last week. Even as I type this, the idea is still a little fuzzy around the edges and not 100% clear – but the shape is there and getting clearer by the minute.
I need to simplify my life, not just one aspect, not just my possessions, but my whole life. I want a simple life and I only want to focus on the things that will enrich my life. No more dating random people for the hell of it, no more hooking up with people for the hell of it, no more moving apartments for the hell of it, no more getting bored with a job and hating it, no more half-arsed attempts at eating healthier, getting fitter and saving money.
For the last 6 years, every time I got a little bored, I’d instigate a change e.g. meet someone new, try something new, travel to a new country, move to a new apartment, etc. While I recognise some of those changes were necessary, I know for sure that some of them were just for novelty value – just to see what it would be like because I was basically using them as a substitute to actually changing myself. Instead of changing my mentality and perspective, I was changing my situation.
And I guess it’s a bit of a catch 22 – because my situation was always in flux, I never felt like I had the time or energy to really focus on myself. Now with 20/20 hindsight I can see that I just didn’t know how to change myself and if I’m honest, probably didn’t actually want to put the work and effort in to actually do it – which is why I spent so much time making my life so complicated and used that as a distraction.
Having figured out the above, I am now making the commitment to myself to solidly dedicate the next 12 months to simplifying my life. No more unnecessary changes. No more distractions. Everything I choose to do I will do with intention and purpose and I will dedicate 100% to. No more half-arsing life.